Responsible for maintaining office morale through enthusiastic greetings, tail wags, and strategically timed visits to employee workstations. Conducts daily site walks throughout the office to monitor project progress, inspect lunch selections, and ensure all trash cans are up to code. Serves as Head of Security, alerting staff to delivery drivers, unexpected visitors, suspicious hallway activity, and other potential threats. Additional duties include supervising meetings, encouraging regular walk breaks, testing the comfort of office furniture, providing stress-relief services, and maintaining strict quality control over all treats entering the building. Reports to no one and reserves the right to nap on the job.